I just happened to run across a testimony today that stated it doesn't matter when, where, or how you were saved... the beauty is in the fact that you were given eternal life by the mercy and grace of God! This literally is the most amazing thing in the entire world! Every day I wonder how or why I am worthy of such a thing. This debunks my first reason for not sharing. Now to get passed the second reason for not sharing... I've decided to type it out. This way if I cry I am behind my computer screen where people cannot see me blubbering but it gives me the chance to share my story. It is a wonderful gift and I feel like the more christians who spread their stories, the greater the chances are of more people finding their savior.
My story is a long drawn out story. The earliest I remember being taken to church was maybe about 7 years old. My aunt had taken me to her church and to be honest how she came about the church I'm not really sure. I've never really asked her about it. I do know she found the church on her own when she was in her 20's. I never really went to church services unless she would take me along with her and my cousin. She was a single mother with only one child and I was always the tag along. Aside from that, the only thing I knew about church was from different family members. My dad was raised in a Mormon faith household and my mother was raised with the ideals of the Catholic faith. Neither of my parents went to church or practiced in the faiths they were taught so I knew very little of either faith and their ideas. I always did believe there was a God, I believed in Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. My aunt taught me how to pray and I would say my prayers before bed when I was sleeping over at her house. I didn't know a whole lot about the bible. I couldn't tell you about any verses but I knew how to pray and I knew who I was praying to. I knew that Jesus died on the cross so all of our sins would be forgiven. I just didn't know how to use that knowledge to my benefit.
Fast forward to 2016... My grandmother who to this day is one of few people who always had my best interest at heart. She always made me feel like I could reach for the stars if I wanted to. This is the year she got sick. She was diagnosed with cancer and went downhill fast. I could go on and on about this story but I'll spare the heartache. After she passed away which was in December of 2016 I remember saying out loud to someone. Well now I really have to believe in God and heaven if I want to see her again. This was literally one of the hardest times of my entire life. Right around that time there was a big presidential election going on, work was stressful and for some reason I had attracted all of these negative people who I felt like were draining everything I could give.
A year of heartbreak, a year of frustration, a year of anger and self searching passed. The year I let all my faith in God disappear. I let him go and doubted the very little I had known about him earlier on in my life. The one year anniversary of my grandma's death was here already and I had never been more miserable, lonely, lost and angry in my entire life. I remember thinking to myself I've always tried to be a good person. Why is this all happening to me?
New Years 2018 arrived, I remember thinking something has to change. Something has to give. One evening I was taking a bath, trying to let go of some stress when I had the overwhelming urge to cry. I remember crying out loud and all I could think was God please help me! I remember literally crying out loud to him. At that moment I remember feeling peace as I laid back and relaxed in my bath. A calm came over me and I remember that night was the first time in a while I had slept good. I woke up the next morning with the urge to learn more about God. To figure out how to grow my relationship with him. It was my goal at this point in my life because it was the only thing that gave me comfort and hope. About two weeks later my husband approached me out of nowhere and asked me if I would ask my boss who we both knew attended a local christian church if we could accompany her on Sunday. Needless to say it's like we've found a second family. One who encourages finding God within yourself. I haven't felt so hopeful in years, even before my grandmothers death.
It has not been a perfect road but it's been one well worth it and I look forward to what the Lord has in my future! <3
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